This is one of those fetal position type of weeks. I thought I was doing great, I had a great week last week. I got exactly what I wanted for my birthday which was to sleep in and then take a nap and then enjoy an evening with close friends. In retrospect, all that sleep might have been a warning signal for a healthy person but I love sleep so much I never recognize it as a warning for trouble ahead.
I enjoyed my birthday thoroughly. My dearest friends Amy and Mike came over and cooked dinner and brought a cake covered with extra extra butter cream (which I have been eating all by myself all week) and their kids entertained us greatly with their antics. Little kid antics are the best when yours are semi-grown and you aren't responsible for the naked-but-for-adult-flip-flops-and-sunglasses two year old. In fact, you get to a point of encouraging the most outrageous of ensembles.
The next day was fine if I remember correctly. A nice family day with Matt and Zack.
Monday...Matt worked late and so Zeke and I were on our own but he's currently growing an inch a week so he mostly just sleeps. I decided to flip around video-on-demand and for who knows what reason I chose to watch a special on social anxiety and I shit you not it gave me a panic attack and I've been wanting to hide in bed ever since. I'm trying to fight it but my first thought to every.single.thing this week is "I'm going to be in bed".
I'm in the fetal position this week. I'm not sure what would help. It gets worse every time one of my boys asks me what they can do to help - they're awesome at taking care of me - because what I want most of all is to be left alone behind a closed door to hibernate until whatever this particular mess is passes.
If you need me (and please try your best not to) I'll be that lump under the covers in the middle of my bed.
afm
(Yes I have a therapist. Yes I have a med doc)
No comments:
Post a Comment